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50.0%ANMag Issue 24 Personal Maintenance
Failure? Maybe not!
By Kinda Adra Mugharbel, Staff Writer
Beirut, Lebanon − So what is the definition of failure? Who is a failure? The one who does not work? The one who did not acquire an education? And if s/he did, what level of education is considered a success? Does a Bachelor’s degree count these days or only a Master’s or a PHD? What does it take for someone to be considered successful?
Well, like everything else in life, it is all relevant. What one person considers as failure, others do not, and vice-versa. Some put higher margins for men than women because the normal situation for a woman is to get married and have kids; others consider them equal and do not consider getting married and having kids an achievement; it is only a given! It is actually true because getting married is not by choice; it is by luck, and you do not work hard and stay over nights to find your mate; you meet each other by coincidence. However, sustaining a marriage nowadays is surely not by coincidence, and you need to work very hard to keep it going.
So you have a degree, and you work from 9 A.M. to 5 P.M. and make little money to live because the wages are low. Are you a failure or not? You juggle two or three jobs and still make little money because what you do is not that big of a deal; are you a failure or not? You have your degree but got married and had kids and cannot sustain your job because you cannot keep up doing both; are you a failure or not? In these cases, I do not think the person is a failure but has limited abilities, be it mentally or physically. Or like in my case with a new baby, I just cannot stand being away from my kid for nine hours! Luckily, I have the opportunity to work from home; that keeps me up but if I do not, I will surely feel like a failure and wonder if I really am! But in spite of all that, when I meet a “female” manager in some company or bank or any woman who has kids and still works all day, I get this bitter feeling in the pit of my stomach for not doing the same thing! So should I consider myself as a failure or better to say “loser”?
When it comes to females it is always easier; almost in all societies people make up excuses for women who do not work or who make little money or are not in a managerial post. But when it comes to males, there is no mercy especially in the Middle East! “He’s a bar-tender?!”, “He’s a cashier?!” “Oh, he’s a doctor!” Men are expected to make money; if they are stuck in a job that does not offer those big salaries, they should either search for another or come up with new ideas to make more money or else they would be labeled as “lazy losers.”
The funny thing nowadays is that a man who is over 40 and does not have his own company is not considered successful, and if he does have his own company but for some reason is not making that much money, he is also unsuccessful! But if a person is rich from some “unknown” source, everyone thinks he is successful because he suddenly drives a Porsche, owns a 600 square-meter house and travels first class! I am not saying that there are no men who are really bright and successful and have reached the top from hard work and persistence, but those are a minority, and luck must have been on their side more than others. On the other hand, there are people who have everything but are too unwise to act on it. They would rather finish their regular working hours and go potato-couching instead of searching and sniffing for better opportunities to upgrade their lives and the lives of their families. Those people are considered pure losers! To me, this is what “failure” really means: laziness and lack of ambitions!
So as you can see, failure has different meanings that vary depending on the society you live in and the person you are. Each society has its own meaning of failure; the important thing is: what does it mean to you? In your dictionary, are you a failure? Are you satisfied with who you are and what you have achieved?