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51.8%ANMag Issue 22 Personal Maintenance
One Spoiled Son of a Lion
By Tarek Khaled, Staff Writer
New York, U.S.A. −Through the remainder of this essay I will refer to you as Pussy Cat. I will analyze and interpret as many of the glaring and unmistakable qualities that allowed me to hypothesize that you are in fact a pussy cat trapped in a body of a lion.
First of all, you are in fact the son of an animal that belongs to the cat family.
Second of all, Mr. Pussy Cat, you have been misbehaving for some time now. You know those annoying children you see in public with their parents dragging them on the floor as they kick and scream and annoy the living crap out of everyone? That is you. Or a better example is a kid who wants a toy so badly, and he cannot seem to get it, and then retaliates by breaking and destroying stuff. That only leads us to assume that you are still an immature little pussy-cat.
Thirdly, Mr. Pussy Cat, you have been desperately trying to fill the lion’s shoes badly, but sadly, you have been coming short all the time. I mean even though you have all the physical qualities of a lion, I just cannot get myself to look at you as the king of the beasts. To me and many others, you will always be the small spoiled son of a lion; even when your mouth is salivating and savoring me as the meal to come, in my mind I would be thinking “awwwwwww, here kitty kitty kitty, what a cute little pussy cat.”
Fourth, Mr. Pussy Cat, you have your females do your dirty work for you. That is pretty much the only true quality that distinguishes you as a lion. You sit back and chill all day and let the real cats go do the hunting and killing to feed your spoiled ass while they get scraps.
Fifth, what kind of a responsible lion hangs out with a Hyena; you know who I am talking about. I cannot blame a Hyena for being the way it is; it is just the way it is, but for you to take such a fried is just a very low class act on your part. I mean, this is an animal that takes advantage of your females’ hard work. If you cannot preserve the honor of your women, what kind of lion are you? There is an old Arabic saying that goes like this: “Tell me who you befriend, and I shall tell you what you are.” Take a good look at that Hyena you call your friend; he looks all nasty and scary, and he talks a good game, but when it comes time, he pussy-cats out.
Oh so-called king of the beasts whom your characteristics and behaviors neither add merit nor preserve the title which was passed on to you! Really, you are adorable; bless your heart. Unlike your father, you just lack the overall ability to demand the respect of the general public. You do not strike fear in the hearts as well as he did despite of all the viciousness you have displayed you are capable of. You are and always will be the little spoiled and low-class pussy cat you have demonstrated yourself to be. Your father must be really disappointed at how you have managed to mess up all the work he has done. Tsk tsk tsk, you poor little thing… You are living proof that some people are just born bad apples.
If your father knew what a pussy-cat you were going to grow up to be, I am sure he would have personally chocked you to death. During your time as “ruler” you have demonstrated every foul and immoral quality a pussy cat can have and even found a couple of new ones. That is not even mentioning your intelligence level which is a couple of notches south that of a bedroom slipper. Your rapid and spiral descend will go down in history pages as the single greatest failure of all time, so kick and scream all you want, little pussy cat; we will rejoice when we see you get what is coming to you. God, you are so cute; I feel like slapping you then giving you a kiss.