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28.2%ANMag Issue 21 Personal Maintenance
Society Part II: Of Dogs
By Mohamad Sobh, Staff Writer
Beirut, Lebanon − The curtain will at long last be lifted from upon our promised article. It took its time to brew and fizzle, but it is my belief that it was worth the wait and that the wait will be rewarded and compensated for with fair content and piercing insight. This account might shock, anger, mystify, and even please some. An account most fittingly described as an out of body experience, for it has taken hardly any control on my part to write this piece, an article which I have been grown fond of calling my little exposé. Without much further ado, here goes…
Since the dawn of time, men have been exhibiting traits that would make one certain species proud. Naturally, I am not talking about Homo sapiens, but rather, a much more peculiar kind and much smellier, I dare say, particularly the scum of the earth. Well, it may be arguable that such specimens have never been classified into any sort of kingdom, but for the sake of argument, let us envision this fictitious sixth kingdom and carry on with our thesis. My gender, sadly, has displayed demeanor unjustifiable regardless of the grounds, and an attitude that is in dire need of modification. Blunder after disgraceful blunder has been progressively added to the male portfolio, and what I aim to do is take the first step on the road of rectification. Or truthfully, it is my way of absolving myself off men’s hypocrisy.
Again, as in our previous account on females, we mean not to slander, to insult, or to distinguish ourselves from the pack. It was by no means an easy feat, for it required careful observation, meticulous research…actually not, for it is a sad truth that men are very predictable, quite gullible in fact, when it comes to their greatest weakness, that being (music reaching a crescendo in the background), women. I have come to name my discovery as shrunken brain syndrome. Simply, the size of the brain and the skull become disproportionate when men deal with (a) female(s).
While men are adept at exhibiting great emotion, it is somehow distressing to discover that their problem lies in scope, for it seems that the number of individuals towards which such feelings are displayed knows no bounds. Furthermore, men will go to great lengths to play cloak and dagger games and risk losing everything, rather than settling down with just that one person!
Now let us not forget the many great feats of the many celebrated men who roamed the Earth. Let us proudly recount their numerous achievements now; shall we? There was Harry Truman and his brilliant maneuver in Hiroshima and Nagasaki; there was Nero, who gallantly burned down Rome… Countless names and innumerable achievements, but let us not dwell too much on these shady individuals, for I mentioned them to merely point out that many atrocities have been committed on behalf of a direct order from males.
It is true that both genders were created differently; physically, emotionally, psychologically, and so forth, but that does not call for inequitable treatment directed from one camp towards another? Previously, I had made several “common” observations expectantly exhibited by females, and in all fairness, I believe that the time is ripe to disturb the sleep of the male population with remarks targeting their peculiar behavior.
By virtue of being a guy, I have been exposed to a fair share of very disturbing behavior perpetrated by fellow men; not to be misunderstood, I have had the benefit of holding an inside scoop on my friends’ comings and goings, through anecdotes they tell, and through their justifications and reasoning behind why they do what they do. And to be very frank, I have never heard an argument where I am convinced beyond reasonable doubt that infidelity can be an act of fidelity and loyalty. Not to keep that grey matter waiting any longer dear reader, we are going to take a plunge into the swamp of filth and lies; thus, keep your nose closed if you please.
Case I: I am on a trip with this friend, madly in love with a girl back home, been with her for years, would not dream of a future without her playing an integral part in, but suddenly, an opportunity arises, and he will be damned if he does not take it. Call it a fling, a one-night stand, whatever! It kind of reminded me of Ross in Friends, “We were on a break!” Anyhow, the point being here is the following, whenever confronted with such opportunities, most men will take them, and here I speak on an average basis, as in: out of every 10, seven will do as my friend did. For it is irrationally justified in their minds that what they do not jeopardize their seemingly ironclad relationships. The person in question went back after the trip and carried on his relationship − unperturbed.
Case II: Another plague worth mentioning is that of double-timing and cheating, eternal in age, shallow in motive, and sick in pretext. Again, there is this very good friend of mine, mightily in love with this fantastic girl, but every once in a while, I am perplexed by news that his exploits have transcended the boundary of being with one person only. Now, I delve into something so hypocritical that to fathom it would be a sincere admission of duplicity and deceit, a pledge towards a revolting dogma that has been present since I cannot remember when. Listen to this one: It was by all means okay if the guy was double and triple-timing, but it was an act of treachery if the girl was ever to be found in the company of other males, much less to be going out with them. And I ask myself this, “why?” It is saddening really, for I considered cutting off my friendship with this person, but then I realized, if I were to apply this to everyone, I would be left with an infinitesimal number of guy friends.
Case III: It has been the case that sometimes a relationship experiences a seemingly abrupt halt put forward by the Y-chromosome-possessor in the relationship. Although he may give different reasons − too much pressure at work, from parents, etc…− there is simply one reason for that behavior, at least in my experience. The guy has either grown bored of the girl, and hence tries to break it off “nicely” enough with some lame excuse, or he has directed his interests at some new pursuit. I have heard of enough cases to safely claim that the latter is the predominant “motive” most of the time. And in law lingo, it is a clear case of lack of probable cause, where the perpetrator is simply executing the order of an involuntary-not-necessarily-rational nerve impulse generated by the brain.
In order to maintain the objectivity element in this discourse, I must, and shall, allow a concession or two with regards to fellow men. There have been cases which deviated from the norm and demonstrated strong will and sound judgment when it comes to issues regarding the opposite gender. For there are those who are faithful, and regardless of the magnitude of the temptation placed within their grasp, they find that it holds no allure for them.
I believe that breezes of change will come upon us. Let us all not succumb to animal instincts and put a check on that libido of ours (I am NOT an advocate of Freud’s, but the guy made sense on some steps of his ladder). Just to make things clear, this is not a campaign for abstinence or anything of the sort, for all are free to pursue the activities of their choice, but the point being that to improve “social welfare”, it is best if relationships take up the energy of a pair at a time, or in the words of Viktor Navorski (Tom Hanks) from The Terminal, something that went like, “Three in a relationship, too crowded.”
Funny how guys are described as pigs, or more commonly as dogs, when they commit their atrocious, despicable acts of infidelity, while an idiosyncratic trait of dogs is actually that of loyalty and unwavering dedication towards their masters. It is a paradox, really… If dogs were ever to learn our language, or us theirs, they would be irritated − big time!