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28.2%ANMag Issue 21 Public Surveillance
Arranged for the Enraged
By Suha Karaky, Managing Editor
Beirut, Lebanon − Fatima, a 24-year-old lonely and shy Muslim bank employee found that the best solution to meet a young man was Venus, a matchmaking agency. Jessica, a 26-year-old happy and extremely sociable Christian graphic designer met her prince charming at a friend’s Halloween party − being the social ground in which males and females meet, mingle and perhaps marry.
In an eastern society such as Lebanon, steeped in tradition and conservatism, both sexes face multiple barriers when wanting to know a member of the opposite gender. “The mentality here forbids us from saying ‘hi’ or simply from smiling at a young man we find attractive,” said Maya Karam, a Lebanese American University graduate. “The guy himself or gossip-lovers around us make us whores when that happens!”
Here, in what the Lebanese consider the most liberal country in the Arab world, the most decent way for a girl to meet her future husband is through a khattabeh, a marriage-arranger, always a female, who, as Amar Salloum, 21, sarcastically commented, “finds the perfect half you have been waiting for, with all the qualities you need.”
In Lebanon, where civil marriages are forbidden, the numerous officially recognized sects control personal status, including death, divorce, inheritance − and marriage. Muslims, both Sunnis and Shiites, and Druze are the sole consumers of the services of women like Im Ahmad.
Fiftyish, fleshy, with a right sparkling canine of gold, Im Ahmad, a notorious matchmaker from Abra, a small southern Lebanese village in one of the less developed areas in the country, postures in front of fellow villagers, boasting that she is “the only one who can give you exactly what you want.”
Her typical day consists of visits to the “good” families that she knows, in search of the perfect girl that her customer needs. “A young man comes to me, asking for a blonde, tall, nice girl of high repute, and that’s what keeps me busy all day.”
Her business comes at a price. If the girl turns out to be exactly what the man wanted, and if everything works out between the couple, Im Ahmad is rewarded for her skill. “I usually charge the customer with $50-$100, depending on how rare the qualities he wants are,” she said. “However, for the people I know, I don’t ask for money, but they immediately give me something like a gift or sometimes cash if they like what I did for them.”
Im Ahmad’s customers, strictly males, are between the ages of 30 and 45. “They feel they are ready, and they have to get married at such an age, so they come to me, although many like to send their mothers due to their shyness,” she stated smilingly, her gold tooth glittering.
Females never ask for Im Ahmad’s help. Societal norms prevent them from expressing their longing for a partner. “It is considered shameful and bad for their reputation,” she said.
“The girls wait for their destiny, and I am the one who brings them that fate they have been waiting for,” she said proudly, sitting in her tiny shaded room in her house where half a dozen villagers had gathered.
In Christian Lebanese families, this khattabeh matter is rare, according to Christian Abou Jaodeh, 50-year-old owner of a publishing house and father of three daughters. “I myself like to give my girls the ability to meet and choose the guy that they feel is appropriate for them,” he said. “Why should I treat her like a commodity and prohibit her for experiencing her right of loving and choosing her future partner?”
Venus, a 2-year-old matchmaking agency that is helping bank-employee Fatima in her quest for a husband, has been responsible for 37 couples, said George Hatem, owner and founder.
“Our member pays $150 per year,” he said. “This amount of money lets each young man meet five girls annually and each young woman meet an unlimited number of guys.” The reason for limiting the number for males and not controlling them for females is that Lebanese men are known for playing around with girls, as Hatem put it. “This way, he knows that he has only a few chances and that is it!”
Venus arranges a get-together party every month, in which members meet, in addition to a trip every summer. “These events take place to help our work and to let people mingle and escape from their loneliness,” Hatem said. “It feels good to see these people happy and to know that we have brought them these smiles into their lives instead of nothing but lonely times.”
Applicants at the agency are not only Muslims, but also Christians. However, Hatem said that Muslims constitutes about 60% of the members. “I believe this is because Islam is more closed, and chances of meeting a member of the opposite sex are less.” Females join the agency more often, since Lebanon, undergoing economic problems for the past few years, is bleeding young men. According to estimates, up to 200,000 people are leaving the country yearly, the majority of which is men.